Mending Fences
by CBloom2
Summary: Based on spoilers for the next couple of episodes. I wanted to mend the fences before Ethan broke them in the first place.
1. Chapter 1

**So seeing the preview for Saturday with Ethan's anger etc got me thinking. We talk about how Cal reacts to stress in his life - running away etc, but have you noticed that Ethan tends to push everyone away, which is what I guess will happen over the next couple of episodes. In his grief and fear he'll push away everyone that he loves and who love him - so sad.**

 **I wanted to mend the fences before we see them broken in the show, so here it is - hope you like it.**

 **As usual I don't own anyone that you recognise.**

 **Mending Fences**

Cal brought the car gently to a halt on arrival at their destination. He turned off the engine and just spent a couple of minutes basking in the heat of the sun pouring through the window, listening to the sounds of the beach all around him.

It had been a painfully quiet journey, even with his brother in the car.

Cal stole a glance over at the younger man, noticing straight away that the tense posture had not relaxed at all as he clutched the box containing their mothers ashes.

Ethan's face was set - devoid of all emotion, apart from the overiding emotion that he had experienced every day since she had passed away a few weeks previously...anger. The younger doctor could feel the rage burning through him as if he had red hot lava flowing through his veins.

"We're here," Cal informed him, almost in a whisper, "Ethan..." he nudged, just to get any sort of reaction from his brother.

Ethan jumped at the touch, "What? Ah we're here," he repeated, as he began to unfasten his seat belt.

Cal sighed sadly, his eyes stinging. In the last few weeks he had not only lost his mum, but he seemed to be losing his brother too.

Since their mother's death and Ethan's diagnosis, the two brothers had barely spoken, and it was eating Cal alive.

All he wanted to do, needed to do was support his little brother, but Ethan just pushed him away, as he had done everyone in the ED. He had finally told everyone a few days before Emilie's funeral and although their friends were vocal in their support for him, Ethan had blanked it all out, tried to carry on as if nothing was wrong. The icing on the cake for Cal was when he heard Ethan talking to Lily one day and Ethan had said that he had wished it had been Cal who had tested positive...that he hadn't done anything wrong to warrant such a death sentence.

Although Cal had known that Ethan was angry at what was happening to him that had made him say such a thing, Cal had felt as if his little brother had just stabbed him in the heart. Unfortunately, he had reacted in the way that he always reacted to such situations and had got himself rolling drunk - only just making the funeral service in time, thus causing a deeper rift with the brother that he so longed to support.

He was startled out of his musings by the car door slamming, alerting him to the fact that Ethan had got out of the car. Cal was about to follow him but he paused as he watched the younger man take the few steps that would lead him to the rail by the beach. The older sibling saw Ethan lift his face towards the sun, his eyes closed, just soaking up the suns rays - a gentle breeze dancing through his tousled hair. Cal wrenched his gaze away, unable to watch him any longer - it was just to painful.

Ethan, for his part, was fully aware of the myriad of emotions his brother was currently experiencing because it was exactly how he was feeling. He actually wondered if he would ever feel 'normal' again. Aware that his brother hadn't followed him out of the car, he took the opportunity to talk to his mother.

"Mum, I don't know what to do. I'm angry, I'm scared - people want to help but I push them away. Cal is trying so hard to support me but I push him away too - I don't want it! He tries to make it look like it doesn't hurt him, but it does...and...and I just don't know what to do - Mum!"

He closed his eyes as a torrent of thoughts, feelings and emotions threatened to engulf him. Suddenly, from out of nowhere, a warm, gently breeze enveloped him and he immediately began to feel more calm - calmer than he had felt in a long time. He genuinelly smiled for the first time since Emilie passed away - now he felt ready to put her to rest.

He turned and walked the few feet back to the car. He opened the door and picked up the small box , looking over at his brother, who was busily trying to cover the tears that had been steadily falling, "You ready?" he asked.

Cal wiped his eyes once more - nodded and climbed out of his side of the car.

 **I'm going to leave this as a short first chapter. There will be one more chapter with the boys talking and trying to sort things out. I've got good ideas in my head (or at least I think I do) so I hope I can do it justice on paper.**

 **Til next time...**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much to all you fabulous people who read, reviewed and favourited this little story. I hope you know that your support makes me feel wonderful and keeps me writing.**

 **So here's the second and final chapter - hope it lives up to the hype - ha ha.**

 **Mending Fences - Chapter 2**

The two young men found a spot near to where they had raced each other on the day that they had brought Emilie to the beach. Thankfully, this day was a lot warmer than the previous time that they had been there. Cal produced a small trowel from his pocket and began to dig a deep hole in the sand, "Forward planning," Ethan remarked, looking impressed. Cal smiled at him, but the smile didn't reach his eyes.

Five minutes later, the hole was dug and Ethan took a small bag out of the box that contained Emilie's ashes and placed them gently into the hole. Immediately, tears began to pour down his cheeks, "I feel like I should say something, but I don't know what to say," Ethan mused as Cal began to cover the hole.

"Just say what you feel," Cal advised as he finished filling the hole.

Ethan nodded, "Ok. Well...I'm not very good at this..." he began, causing Cal to smile once more, "You know, or at least I hope you know, how sorry I was for being so awful to you at the beginning. I still can't believe how badly I acted towards you - but I loved getting to know you after I had got my head straight, " the young man wiped his tears, "You had so much heartache to deal with in your life, losing us the way you did, your illness...If I can be half as brave as you were mum..." he trailed off, unable to finish as he hung his head.

Cal couldn't bear to see his little brother in such agony. He scrambled to his side, "We love you mum," the older sibling said aloud as he tentatively slid an arm around Ethan's shoulders, "And I promise that whether he wants it or not, I will support Ethan through whatever he has to face - he will never be alone."

A strangled sob emerged from the younger man as he turned and buried his head into his brother's chest. Cal tightened his hold, carding a hand through the blond hair.

"I'm so sorry Cal for the way I've been acting these last few weeks," the younger man mumbled.

"You've nothing to be sorry for," Cal told him, although the incident with Lily still smarted.

"You were greiving Cal and I pushed you away when you needed my support...and when I needed yours..." Ethan pulled away from his brother, wiping the tears from his eyes, "I did and said some awful things..."

Cal knew what he meant, but he also knew that Ethan was unaware of what he had overheard.

"I said some things to Lily..."

"I know," Cal breathed before he could stop himself.

"How?" Ethan looked shocked.

"I heard you talking to Lily - about how you wished that it had been me..."

Ethan's breathing quickened, "Oh Cal, what must you think of me?"

He couldn't look his brother in the eye as he tried to control his breathing.

Cal caught Ethan under his chin and angled his face so that he could look at him, "I will admit that it was painful to hear you say that - but my overiding feeling was one of guilt. I would do anything in this world to take this illness from you. You're my little brother - there's nothing that I wouldn't do for you, but I know that I can't take this away from you and it tears me apart that I can't help you in that way..." The older man felt hot tears slide down his face as the brutal honesty came to the fore.

Ethan nodded his head slightly, "I was angry Cal, angry, scared, petrified even. I'd just seen mum die, which was bad enough, but to know...to know that will be me sometime in the future - it was to much. It's not excuse though Cal and I have to accept that. I am so very sorry that I said that about you. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, least of all my own brother. I hope you can forgive me," he looked up at his brother, who was shaking his head, "There's nothing to forgive," he cried, "I understand the fear, the anger - I was feeling exactly the same on your behalf. I just wish that you would have talked to me instead of pushing me away."

"It's what I do," Ethan admitted sadly.

"Right, so let's make a pact. You don't push me away and I won't let you," Cal decided.

"But you can't give up your life for me," Ethan insisted, his stomach churning at the thought that everything that Cal was working towards would be lost as he spent most of his life caring for him.

"Who said anything about giving up my life? Besides, by the time you're showing symptoms we may be two doddery old men like in your story," Cal smiled at him, "We can cope with this Ethan, together...as brothers."

Ethan's smile lit up his face, "Yes, I believe we can."

Cal quickly got to his feet, holding his hand out to help Ethan up. As he pulled his brother up, Cal grabbed hold of him once again, "I love you Ethan, never forget that, no matter what happens," he whispered into his hair.

Ethan snaked his arms around his brother as well, "I love you to Cal - thank you for putting up with me."

Once more, from out of nowhere, a warm, gentle breeze enveloped them both, wrapping them in a blanket of love.

"Fish and chips?" Cal asked from out of nowhere.

Ethan burst into fits of laughter, almost making the older man cry with joy, "We were having a moment and you come out with that?"

Cal made an innocent face, "Well do you want some?"

"Only if I can have mushy peas with mine?"

 **So that's it. I'm sure that you're not allowed to bury someone's ashes in a beach, but a bit of dramatic licence never hurt anyone.**

 **As for the mushy peas, I don't know if everyone who might read this know what mushy peas are? Is it a Yorkshire thing? I'm sure it's not but sometimes the things we have 'up North' are not the same elsewhere in the UK.**

 **Hope it was ok. I'm out tomorrow night so will miss the episode although it's on record and usually when I've been out I can't go to sleep straight away, so hopefully I will still get to watch it tomorrow night, just a bit later than everyone else.**

 **I would like to write a funny story for the boys, but all I can think about is angst, so if anyone has any ideas that may make a good funny story I would be happy to hear them.**

 **Til next time xx**


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